A Few Days Late…..but as promised

blonde2 This past autumn working on my body image issues has meant eating how I know I should eat, working out the way I know I should workout, as well as working on accepting and loving my body just the way it is.

Sometimes our internal dialogue is our own worst enemy so part of my work has been trying to turn off that dialogue when it gets negative. When someone gives me a compliment rather than have a negative response in my mind about all my flaws I am trying to graciously accept the compliment. Rather than waiting until I reach a size 2 to buy some nice clothes I treated myself to a few nice things to add to wardrobe now. We often spend so much time thinking about our flaws-but how much time do we spend thinking about our better physical traits? I figured it was time to start thinking about what I truly loved about my body and finding ways to accentuate those areas.

For the past several years I have been one of those people who hates the camera. I don’t want to be one of those people-but I have been. My husband is always trying to snap pictures of me with his phone but I rarely let him. Yet, if it makes him happy and he thinks I’m beautiful why should object so fiercely. So, I decided that for him as well as for me I was going to have some boudoir photos taken as his Christmas present.

The way his face lit up when he received his present said it all. Allowing myself to be so vulnerable was a true gift to him, but it was also truly a gift to myself. I have come away from the experience thinking that every woman could benefit from having a wonderful photographer capture images of her. From the hair to the make-up to the clothes to watching the photographer light up when she has captured a great shot-I wish all women struggling with body image issues could enjoy such an afternoon.

When I confided about my body image issues in a previous post I promised to post photos of myself by the end of the year-both so the readers could better identify with me and for my own growth and acceptance. Well, I got busy enjoying the holidays so they are a little late but here they are (my husband was kind enough to share a couple of the less revealing ones) . They are not perfect (I still pick out little things I wish were different)-but this is me and this is 40 🙂

blonde10 (2)


Sometimes the Littlest Things Matter the Most


When I was sixteen I got pregnant. I decided that I would keep the baby and went about having a healthy pregnancy. Unfortunately, when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant I went into premature labour. There was nothing that doctors could do and my son, Travis was born and died on the same day.

People can be funny, strange, awkward, cruel. Often people don’t know what to say when a person loses a loved one and they end up saying some stupid things. While my family was supportive I found that when I lost my son many people would say things like, ‘It’s for the best’, ‘Now your life won’t be ruined’. I never quite understood how a dead baby was ever for the best.

Going through school there was one girl who was in many of my classes. I guess you could say we were friends-we hung out sometimes,  we usually got along, but could be a little competitive with each other. I was an only child of divorced parents, she on the other hand had a huge family that always seemed to be doing lots of fun things together.

I remember her parents as being kind, cheerful church-going folks. They were the kind of people to organize a pick-up game of baseball at the schoolyard and were always be welcoming at their home.

I saw them after I had lost Travis. They were so kind and compassionate to me.